Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
