Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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