'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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