Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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