Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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