Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
