Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
