Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is the high leading the old right now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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