Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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