dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize