look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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