I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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