foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
