i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
