How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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