yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
