i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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