i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
