ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
