I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
