you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
