we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My penis needs a shock collar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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