the condom got lost in my hair
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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