i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I see more hoeing in ur future
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