Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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