Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
