So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
