In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
