I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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