Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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