i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
