duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
