Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
