I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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