just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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