I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
