saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't turn off my feet"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
