It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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