This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
