what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
