He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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