Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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