Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
