dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
