People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
