I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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