my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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