Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Randomize
