i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
