Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
