I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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