Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
