Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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