Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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