So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
