I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
