how can u be prego again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
