you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
