are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
