Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
