Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My penis needs a shock collar
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
