M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
