I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
