dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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