i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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