i already hear my dad disowning me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
