I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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