you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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