I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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