You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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