please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
