From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
