Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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