I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
