At least make sure they are 18
Why
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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