Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
