he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
