he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
