I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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